Still Distracted

PART 1

I get it, I cannot stay there Yeah, I get it, they will not play fair But I feel the weight of their bullshit I can't stomach lies and fake fullness

Raise my rate did I make the right choice? Raise my stake in a game I don't like Face my pain as I read her email Hole in my boat while I sail

I don't wanna sell myself no more But I wanna provide and walk through that door To the part of my life when it's more secure Got a vision of us sitting on our porch

See our kids playing in the front yard Worrying bout that they're running around And they're living the day like it's only today I remember they're here to teach me I'm safe

I remember skateboarding in the driveway Then coming in drenched and out of breath And the neighbor could be looking at me sideways But I didn't care I was on a quest

What can I learn from a young me? There's nothing more true than my hobbies Nothing more true than a passionate life In alignment with love Give me back to the light That's a prayer to myself If I fasten it right I would yell at the moon And be pleading with God But forgot it was me So I missed the reply

And then I learned tools that would lead me inside New rules for the peace in my mind Enroll me in school, re-contextualize I roll with the tide, open my eyes

PART 2

Don't need the past to be with ya I just need to open to your rays Keep me company so I can train I don't wanna be alone inside my brain

Don't need the past to be with ya I just need to listen for the change Keep me company so I can train I just wanna see your picture in the frame

Trouble deciding which is more attractive Trusting this perception be like playing Mad Libs Imma take a second now to get away from past tense It's the music that's been helping but I'm still distracted (f*ck) Ice cream, peanut butter, sugar, salt, it's all the same Choose apart from my Creator's got me on a separate plane Stew inside the bucket, liability always a given Cook me in the sauce you made with fear and shame and my permission (f*ck) This entire game (SUCKS) But if I complain Knots are getting tighter like a finger trap around the pain (LOVE) Keep on waiting but I (RUN) Out the picture with a (GUN) And I point it at my head But forgetting I'm the (SON) As if I could be a threat Still forgetting you're the One Damn I swore I'd be outside the orbit by the nighttime Something must've happened Maybe I forgot my Right Mind Right…Right Mind?

PART 3

Everyday I check my bank account See what's left before I'm out Can you take these goggles from me please? This VR is just dis-ease Gone wild, gone awhile without my friend Gone awhile but still my teacher's guiding me without the pen Misbehaving but it doesn't make a dent But illusions will be circling in the water while I tread Do they smell blood? Do they only see the body's limbs? Are they coming for me cause I sent the message straight to them? I thought I learned my lesson but I guess I'm learning this again Thought I asked the question but I was still looking through my lens Does it need confession? But I hear there's no such thing as sin Must be mixing levels Forgot how my dream will really end Without some willingness the GPS is not my friend I sent Him straight to billing not realizing he had money for me When will it all be over? When will I stop the pain? When will I wake up to the Truth that's in my name?